


Pass me by

by jiho



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 21:04:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiho/pseuds/jiho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin may have a crush, but that doesn't mean he wants to do something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pass me by

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shinwoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinwoo/gifts).



> written for and prompted by hanna almost a year ago. i'm terribly sorry for only putting this up now. happy birthday♥
> 
> prompt: "kai madly in love with suho for a change." because we noticed that last year, sukai was all about jongin constantly rejecting joonmyun.
> 
> set during mama promotions.

Jongin swears that his heart is physically swelling when Joonmyun reaches out to him, brushing the hair out of his eyes with his small hands as they wait to go on stage. _He’s so close_ , he thinks, suddenly aware of his breathing. He hopes it doesn’t sound forced or that he breathes too loud as he takes control of it breath, keeping it at an even pace, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and biting it. He can barely see Joonmyun’s smile when his hands are in the way, but he knows it’s directed towards him, wide and bright, and showing off his perfectly straight teeth. The thought makes it a little harder to breathe.

 

“There. Much better,” Joonmyun says, smile still plastered on his face when he lowers his hands. Then he backs away from Jongin, because their leader has four other members to tend to as well.

 

Jongin sighs a few minutes later, trying to ignore the drop of his heart when he passes by Joonmyun fixing Sehun’s collar while he laughs at something the other must have said.

 

 

 

 

When Jongin later sees Joonmyun wrap his arm around Yifan’s waist in the airport, he turns away. Kyungsoo who walks next to Jongin, leans a little closer into his body, so Jongin throws his arm around the other’s shoulders, looking at him from the corner of his eyes. Kyungsoo is watching him too. He realizes that maybe Kyungsoo knows, suspects it at least, and he wonders how long he has been watching him and how obvious he might be. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know if he even should say anything. Maybe he’s just being paranoid, but suddenly the air feels thicker and hotter. Is he supposed to say anything? Because he feels an urge to explain himself, but as soon as he thinks it, he knows he’s jumping to conclusion. _Maybe he actually doesn’t know_ , he tries to calm himself.

 

Maybe.

 

Kyungsoo presses himself closer to him, sighing, and slowly, Jongin’s heartbeat evens out, but he doesn’t stop wondering.

 

 

 

 

It’s late, the sun closer to rising than setting, but Jongin is still awake, but so is Kyungsoo. They both keep quiet, because soon enough one of them will fall asleep and they wouldn’t want to spoil that. Usually, it would have been Jongin who passed out from the exhaustion first, but lately it’s been harder to sleep.

 

Long minutes pass by when Kyungsoo suddenly whispers to him, “Jongin, are you awake?”

 

He turns over to the side to look at him as an answer, waiting for Kyungsoo to say something again.

 

“I- about Joonmyun, are you going to do something about it?” Jongin stops breathing, hundreds of thoughts running through his head, but none he wants to say out loud.

 

“No,” he says then after a while, turning around again. When Kyungsoo says something again, he pulls his blanket over his head.

 

 

 

 

Jongin doesn’t suspect anything when Kyungsoo tells him to help him get something in their room that he forgot. He’s hovering over his roommate’s bed when someone rams into the door, so he turns around, seeing Kyungsoo pushing a confused Joonmyun into the room, before he closes it again. The lock clicks when Kyungsoo turns the key on the other side of the door.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Jongin should probably have seen this coming after avoiding Joonmyun, shrugging him off as if he was a pest and refused to talk about it when any of the other members or their manager asked him about it. They had let him be, but even the fans had started to notice and it was starting to raise problems.

 

Joonmyun had approached him last week, obviously wanting to sort it out, whatever it was, but Jongin had fled when he had tried to explain himself, running out of the practice room without his bag, his entire body trembling. Joonmyun had taken the hint and stopped talking to him as well; hoping that time and some more space would lead Jongin to come to him later when he was ready.

 

He’s knocking on the door, calling out for Kyungsoo to let them out.

 

“Not until you’ve sorted things out!” he shouts back, “manager-hyung agrees, so don’t think he’ll help.”

 

“Kyungsoo!” he calls out desperately, “we don’t have time for this!” It’s not exactly a lie, but they don’t have any schedules today. There is no answer.

 

Joonmyun sighs, sitting down on Jongin’s bed, beckoning him to sit next to him. He bites his lips, but takes a seat next to the older.

 

There’s no way around it now, they both know it, but Joonmyun says it out loud too. He waits, patiently for Jongin to begin, but nothing comes out, the silence stretching out for minutes.

 

“Come on,” Joonmyun says, his voice quiet and as soft as ever, taking on of Jongin’s hands into his. Jongin takes a deep breath.

 

“I like your hands,” he whispers.

 

“What?” Joonmyun asks, not sure if he heard correctly. Jongin looks up at Joonmyun, and takes a deep breath, determined. He’s not good with words, but he has thought about this, imagined countless of different scenarios in which he’d have to say this.

 

“I like your hands,” he says, a little bit louder this time, trying not to stumble over his own words, “I like the warmth they leave when you touch me and the way it spreads through my whole body and makes me relaxed. I want to lean into it, but I’m scared that you'll back away.”

 

“Hyung,” he says after a short pause, “I don't hate you. I like you, I really do, just like I like everyone else, but the thing is that I like you a little differently, and you like us all the same.” Jongin lets out a deep breath and looks away. He expects Joonmyun to let go of his hand, maybe even get up from the bed and away from him, but he stays put. Jongin imagines Joonmyun breaking the silence then, asking if it’s a prank, but he keeps quiet.

 

Jongin can feel the other staring at him, but he can’t make himself meets his eyes, too afraid of what he might see in them. Despite his pessimism, there’s still that small part in him, that tiny part that hopes Joonmyun will tell him that he likes him back and that they’ll make things work. He realises how hard he has fallen, and he wants to punch himself for keep hoping, but the silence is driving him crazy and is mind is going into overdrive. Then Joonmyun is squeezing his hand, and he freezes, his head chanting that maybe, maybe, maybe, this is a good sign.

 

The words passing through Joonmyun’s lips would have sounded like they came out effortlessly if not for the thickness that seems to be suffocating him. Jongin looks him in the eyes then, finally and he thinks he might cry when he sees Joonmyun’s red eyes staring back at him.

 

He has gotten his answer and it’s all over now, the anxiety, the fear, the doubts. There is no relief though, because somehow, Jongin is only left with numbness. The hug Joonmyun pulls him into is supposed to be comforting, so he clings to him desperately, but the heat he usually feels from the other’s body is gone, and Jongin doesn’t even notice.

 

 

 

 

Joonmyun smiles, looking right into the camera when it zooms in on him.

 

“Oh, it’s my turn?” he asks surprised, eyes wide. The host nods, telling him yes, so he nods, too, and then says, “then I’d liked to say something about Kai.” A few frowns, because this isn’t what they had planned. Joonmyun is supposed to say something about Baekhyun, and then Chanyeol would talk about Jongin, so each member would say something about a different person.

 

Jongin tries to pretend that he isn’t getting nervous and that his palms aren’t becoming sticky with sweat as he waits for Joonmyun to continue, both curious and anxious to hear what he has to say. One of the cameras turns in on him, and he smiles, hoping it looks convincing and not too forced. They focus on his face, before they shift over to Joonmyun again, and Jongin is happy that the clenched fists in his laps go unnoticed.

 

“I’ve known Kai for some years now, since I’ve trained together. Even though he’s younger than me, I admire him a lot.” The host looks encouragingly at him, urging him to continue with a smile, “Kai worked hard for a long time at a really young age-”

 

“Like yourself?” the host interrupts, and he nods.

 

“Yes, like myself. He always knows what he wants and how to achieve it. He’s very honest with himself, even if he’s afraid, he dares to sacrifice everything else for what he thinks, he wants. I wish I could do that. He’s much stronger than I am.”

 

The host is very happy with Joonmyun’s words, commenting and riling up an even bigger response from the audience.

 

“Ah, yes,” Joonmyun says when the host turns her attention to him again, laughing with the rest of them at the teasing, and looks at Jongin as he finishes his reply, his smile a little more timid, “I’m a coward.”

**Author's Note:**

> ugh, so i basically wrote this on paper and me being lazy was one of the reasons i didn't type it into a word doc until now, but reading it again (which btw was difficult too, because scribbled handwriting) made me realise how horrible this fic actually was, so this is edited a lot. i basically cut out the middle parts and only kept the beginning and end, which were also edited. it makes this version maybe half as long as the original. i'm sorry that this is so short, but good lord, it was so bad, there was no way i'd give it to you when i couldn't even read through it. i will try to make it up to you somehow... i hope you'll be somewhat happy with this for now orz
> 
> thanks to esther for beta'ing this for me and giving me feedback, it made me feel much better about this ;;
> 
> again, happy birthday, hanna, i love you.


End file.
